Saturday 26 November 2011

Breaking up

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You might guess from the following that I'm in something of a cynical mood currently. I know it's a bit early but I've been thinking about Valentine's day and how it stopped being fun and became a burden. Don't get me wrong I'm not ridiculing genuine acts of affection between lovers. In fact I'd encourage them, the world could do with more genuine affection but it should be, you know, genuine. Not the competitive fakery that has grown up around this festival, where a man is decried for blowing less than a week's wages on ephemeral tokens of respect. It's become more about edification than affection. Spend x much and you might get a jump at the end of the evening. No thanks, somehow I don't think a tacit form of prostitution conforms to the genuine spirit of the occasion.

So I've embraced the spirit of enterprize and come up with an alternative festival, Chuck Her Day, it occurs on 13th of February. Conveniently timed to spare you the expense of its neigbour. Of course it's not for everyone, only for folk who're trying to free themselves from the suffocating clutches of an unwanted partner. It's conceived with special consideration for those who find executing such tasks so very--very difficult. They can pop into a shop and buy a card to do it and placate their guilt with the comforting knowledge that they're entering into the spirit of their special day.

So Here's my first attempt at a rhyme for such a card:

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Do I need to tell it to your face?
my lust for you has run its race
these words so hard I have to say
I’m bored with you so go away

Your feebly tears so cheaply shed
will not entice me to your bed
nor seductive sigh and no
prospect of irrumtio

I had some fun now I’m leaving
so stop this coercive pleading
I have not love but bold contempt
for such weapons of sly intent

You hate me now don’t tell a lie
so now it’s time to say bye bye
but just wait for this parting shot
you stink of fish and hot that’s not

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While reading this it occurred to me that this rhyme isn't too gender specific and that it Chuck Them Day might be more appropriate. Trouble is though I can't imagine many women sending their men such cards on February the 13th.