Top Gear

So have you sent your CV to the BBC yet? The best job in the country is up for grabs and carpe diem is the appropriate motto for such occasions, so if you haven't already done so, do it now and good luck. However, competition should be fierce and I reckon I've spotted the ideal candidate: Brian Sewell, yep that's right, the art critic. Sewell's a national treasure, even more inclined to let the truth off the lead to chase off hypocrisy and correctness with his candour than Clarkson, he's drawn more than the occasional bought of censorial attention. On one notable occasion, a cadre of the benighted had cause to draft an open letter accusing him of homophobia, er yeah, nice one you miops, what do you do for an encore, tie your own shoelaces? Anyway gotta rush, gotta catch the post with this CV.