Tuesday, 6 September 2016


I don't know quite how I missed it but I found out something interesting only the other day; something that provides an insight into the minds, if that word is pertinent in this case, of our legislators. I suspect the reason I missed it, may be because the fact in question is a little embarrassing, indeed it would provide a significant challenge for even the most ardent publicist to dress up as sane. In such circumstances I can imagine the topic being hastily rescheduled as a news item, so that it didn't draw too much attention.

The fact I'm alluding to is that there is a de jure ban on the sale and distribution of... zombie knives in the United Kingdom that came in to effect in January. Uh--yeah I know there has been this focus in the entertainment industry on the zombie genre, quite an intense one it has to be said, but it doesn't matter how intense the fictional activity may be, it remains er--fictional. I'm impressed, whatever they're smoking in the palatial environs of Westminster is doing the job of turning the grey matter to snot.

So what is a zombie knife? It's a knife for dealing with the zombie threat of course but wouldn't just any knife do for such a task? Ah no see, a zombie knife might have a green handle, a bit like the one in your kitchen might have a green plastic handle, or it might have a serrated blade, you know a bit like your bread knife, or it could have a coating to protect the blade from corrosion, a bit like the coating that comes on some higher quality kitchen knives. What if it has all three of those properties? That would definitely be a zombie knife then... or maybe a fillet knife.

I don't know why the go to all this bother, just ban everything sharp, we don't actually need our cloths sewn together, they can use staples for that. Just sell meat and vegetables as puree, you know like baby food, then we can eat our meals with a plastic spoon.


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